Getting to Know Wendy Alley
Meet our staff member, Wendy Alley. What follows is an article in Wendy’s own words about her outlook on her role as therapist and what you will get out of therapy with Wendy.
Starting counseling can be a scary step. After all, the word “therapy” is usually applied when there is an ailment that needs to be treated. To many, it means that something is wrong. So it would follow logically that a therapist must be someone who analyzes you and looks carefully for all of your flaws, right? Maybe some people approach it this way, but I look at it differently. I like to frame my role as a therapist like this: as a counselor/therapist/coach, I am forming a trusting relationship with you, my client, with my attention focused on how I can best support you to help you achieve your goals.
When you are my client, I am centered on listening to and really hearing what is important to you, and helping you to identify the ways you may be stopping yourself from having all that you want. Optimally, you will hear yourself as you say these things out loud, and you will begin to recognize the subtle messages you are sending yourself that create roadblocks to your success.
You may wonder why talking to me as your therapist would be any different from talking to a good friend. Why is it worth a significant investment of time and money? The answer is really pretty simple: our friends care for us, and can be a great source of support, but they listen from a different space, often not reflecting back to us what they hear us say, but telling us their opinions, based on their experiences. If we are angry with someone, they can “side” with us (of course they want to protect those they value!) and provide feedback that is far from objective.
My focus as your therapist is on helping you to see and hear yourself - the whole person- without judgment, and to support you in making choices that will move you in the direction you desire. My role is much like that of a coach or personal trainer: I am an individual who will cheer you on, provide encouragement, assist you in identifying the obstacles you place in your own path, push you a little when you start to make excuses or “wimp out”, and celebrate with you on your successes!
You will have a weekly time set-aside just for you. This is a scheduled time to focus on what’s important, free from distraction, and without anyone else’s needs or agenda! What a luxury! It is truly a necessity in this fast-paced techno world where we are continually multi-tasking and being pulled in a million different directions. It is too easy to become the “hamster on the wheel,” going through life on autopilot with no time to make a conscious choice about our life’s direction. Life is more fulfilling when we are really living it!
This brings me to relationships. How fulfilled are you in yours? Have you ever noticed that the same patterns “show up” in many of your relationships? Do you find yourself playing the same role over and over again to some degree, as if there is a script somewhere you follow in your default mode? Whether it is a pattern of love relationships that start off sizzling and fizzle out over time, or relationships that begin with intense connection and end up with a distance so great you barely communicate, or if it’s the feeling that people never “get” you, or your bosses never appreciate you – these are all things you have the power to shift! You may wonder how that would be possible, especially if the “other” may not ever be in counseling with you. As an individual, you actually have an amazing ability to impact a situation AND to impact your marriage. During our time in therapy, I can show you how.
Wouldn’t it be a gift to be able to clearly see how you impact and are affected by those you relate with, and to be empowered to be conscious in your relationships? How about having a personal trainer invested in your relationship, treating the relationship as the client? You would have someone completely objective, who doesn’t take sides, who listens compassionately, and teaches each partner to do the same for each other.
Let’s be honest: without an appointment and someone to guide the process, how many of us make the time to sit and really listen to our partner’s heartfelt desires? And when was the last time you really felt heard and understood?
People pay thousands of dollars to have a personal trainer coach them on how to build certain muscle groups or achieve a certain level of fitness. Imagine how life could be if a “personal trainer” helped you reach the level of emotional or relational fitness you desire and helped you gain insight into how to maintain that level so that you can set and achieve the goals that are important to you in life! In an age where we are expected to do more with less time, relationships are often placed on the back burner and we take for granted that our partner will be there. At the end of the day, we have often prioritized work and obligations over the things we all crave, such as peace of mind, a sense of belonging, and the comfort of true connectedness.
It doesn’t have to be that way. I’d love to help you re-examine your priorities, and determine whether the path you’re on is taking you where you ultimately want to go. Together, we can get you there!
