To solve these kinds of problems, you need the help and support of a relationship expert. These problems didn’t develop overnight and are not going to be solved by reading a magazine or ezine article. To make lasting changes, not just temporary fixes, you need a therapist you like and trust. How does therapy help with these problems?
Therapy is both a professional agreement and a genuine relationship in which we work together to find solutions for you. As you come to trust and feel safe with your therapist, a relationship will develop between you, as therapist and client. If you’re coming in for couples counseling, a relationship will develop between all three of you. This may surprise some people who think they will only get techniques and tools here. Although you will talk about solutions and tools for you to begin using, the relationship you develop is the biggest benefit to you. This relationship is wonderful, because it is a model for the fulfilling relationships you can create in your life. It is a model for what can exist in a healthy marriage. We’ll start with us asking you a few questions to get a sense of where you are now and what you most want to work on. The relationship begins to grow from there.
As soon as you begin doing things differently, positive changes will happen in your life. Some people make big changes right away and others start with baby steps. We want people to get this right off the bat: it is YOU who makes changes first. Then, others are likely to respond in a good way to the changes you’re making. On the other hand, if you are waiting for someone else to change, it will take a long time to see results. In fact, it will take quite long, perhaps forever, to change someone else because people only change when THEY are ready. But you can change yourself right now!
There is also a learning curve happening here. We want LASTING results, not quick fixes. Lasting results take more time because they need to be integrated into who you are. They need to become new permanent patterns, so that you’re no longer thinking about doing things differently, it’s just happening. You’re just doing it – automatically. Lasting results occur with regular, steady commitment to this new process. This usually takes 6 months minimum and sometimes 12, 24, or 36 months. Seem like a long time? It’s not when you compare it to how long it took you to learn the things you do now: your entire childhood until age 18 or you moved out!
And maybe you have an ongoing relationship with your family and they’re still engrained in those old patterns so they’re being reinforced even now. It’s going to take a while to truly undo what’s taken you years or decades to learn. Also remember that the months or years you work with us is time well invested because you’ll take your new learnings with you for the REST OF YOUR LIFE! You will not forget it after the program is over. This investment of time with us will pay off for you for decades to come! DECADES!
