When most couples in long-term relationships think of affection, they think of either a quick kiss on the cheek (non-sexual) or full-blown intercourse. As you’ve heard me talk it about before: they fall into the trap of thinking sex = intercourse. “This (thinking) results in lower levels of both affection and intercourse” according to sex […]
5 ‘Gears’ of Touch Read More »
If we were to only get our ideas about intimate relationships from social media, scripted shows and movies, we’d believe our partner should… be our best friend; be our erotic partner; support us in pursuit of our goals; be our romantic partner; be a good financial provider; participate in household responsibilities like cooking and cleaning;
Are Our Relationship Expectations Too High? Read More »
Have you ever come up with affirmations to say to yourself but they feel highly uncomfortable and fake? They might be statements such as… I am abundantly wealthy. I am enough. I am a strong, capable person. I am safe and protected. I deserve to be loved and to love. One reason they don’t feel
Why Affirmations Don’t Work Read More »
Imagine this: You and your partner are about to take a summer vacation. You each pack, make the trip and unpack when you arrive. Your bag contains: your e-reader, candles, an eye mask, personal massager, and an assortment of teas. You’ve been looking forward to lazy days lounging around so you can unwind on this
Same Crap, Nicer Scenery: How to Reduce Arguing on Your Next Vacation Read More »
How do you align with your partner when your lives are very busy with kids, careers, a household, maybe aging parents or medical issues? Do you need a formal date night or weekend away together to do so? And how could you possibly fit that in with the kids’ activities or sports or family events?
But There’s Not Enough TIME To Connect As A Couple! Read More »
You’ve learned to set boundaries with others but what do you do when they don’t respect them? In fact, I’d be shocked if the person on the receiving end of your ‘no’ statement says “I can understand: you are taking care of yourselves by carefully choosing what’s important to you and your family” or “You’re
Preparing for the Holidays II: Enforcing Boundaries with Extended Family Read More »
Dreading having to participate in certain events with parents, extended family or in-laws over the holidays? Do you anticipate feeling forced to engage in things you don’t want to do? Do you shudder at the thought of a certain relative going on and on about something? Are you expected to put your kids into dressy
Preparing for the Holidays I: Setting Boundaries with Extended Family Read More »
Often in session, we hear couples say, “We had a huge argument but can’t even remember what started it.” They’ll let us know it was a big blowout but can’t recall the beginning. As a couple’s therapist (and spouse for 25 years), I know why this is: you didn’t stick to the topic that started
Why Couples Can’t Remember What Started An Argument Read More »
Most relationship experts don’t agree with the advice below. Read on to see how we refute these very common, but unhelpful, ideas: 1. You can change your partner. 2. If things aren’t going well, continue to live together but stay as separate as you can. 3. The kids come first. 4. Don’t go to bed
The Worst Relationship Advice AND A Couples Therapist’s Responses Read More »
There is plenty of misinformation about couples’ sexual relationships online. It’s troubling because: a) searching for answers to questions online is SO easy; b) it can be difficult to know if you’ve found reliable and valid information that’s based on work done by experts; and c) you will come across worst case scenarios. And there’s
3 Most Common Myths about Long-term Relationships and Sex Read More »
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