When most couples in long-term relationships think of affection, they think of either a quick kiss on the cheek (non-sexual) or full-blown intercourse. As you’ve heard me talk it about before: they fall into the trap of thinking sex = intercourse. “This (thinking) results in lower levels of both affection and intercourse” according to sex […]
If we were to only get our ideas about intimate relationships from social media, scripted shows and movies, we’d believe our partner should… be our best friend; be our erotic partner; support us in pursuit of our goals; be our romantic partner; be a good financial provider; participate in household responsibilities like cooking and cleaning; […]
Have you ever come up with affirmations to say to yourself but they feel highly uncomfortable and fake? They might be statements such as… I am abundantly wealthy. I am enough. I am a strong, capable person. I am safe and protected. I deserve to be loved and to love. One reason they don’t feel […]
Imagine this: You and your partner are about to take a summer vacation. You each pack, make the trip and unpack when you arrive. Your bag contains: your e-reader, candles, an eye mask, personal massager, and an assortment of teas. You’ve been looking forward to lazy days lounging around so you can unwind on this […]
How do you align with your partner when your lives are very busy with kids, careers, a household, maybe aging parents or medical issues? Do you need a formal date night or weekend away together to do so? And how could you possibly fit that in with the kids’ activities or sports or family events? […]
Great news! Every relationship reaches a difficult stage after the early romance ends. Just think about country songs – countless songs have been written about BOTH the romantic stage and the conflict stage. It’s unavoidable AND couples therapists consider it a given, even in strong, healthy marriages. Why? First, it’s normal because the two of […]
You’ve learned to set boundaries with others but what do you do when they don’t respect them? In fact, I’d be shocked if the person on the receiving end of your ‘no’ statement says “I can understand: you are taking care of yourselves by carefully choosing what’s important to you and your family” or “You’re […]
Dreading having to participate in certain events with parents, extended family or in-laws over the holidays? Do you anticipate feeling forced to engage in things you don’t want to do? Do you shudder at the thought of a certain relative going on and on about something? Are you expected to put your kids into dressy […]
Often in session, we hear couples say, “We had a huge argument but can’t even remember what started it.” They’ll let us know it was a big blowout but can’t recall the beginning. As a couple’s therapist (and spouse for 25 years), I know why this is: you didn’t stick to the topic that started […]
The characteristics that we notice the most in others (both positive and negative) are often traits that we have ourselves. It’s startling to consider that a negative trait in someone (which often elicits a strong response in us) is a trait we have as well. Thus access a reflection of ourselves through a relationship with […]
