Conflict

Why Couples Can’t Remember What Started An Argument

Often in session, we hear couples say, “We had a huge argument but can’t even remember what started it.” They’ll let us know it was a big blowout but can’t recall the beginning. As a couple’s therapist (and spouse for 25 years), I know why this is: you didn’t stick to the topic that started …

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The Worst Relationship Advice AND A Couples Therapist’s Responses

Most relationship experts don’t agree with the advice below. Read on to see how we refute these very common, but unhelpful, ideas: 1. You can change your partner. 2. If things aren’t going well, continue to live together but stay as separate as you can. 3. The kids come first. 4. Don’t go to bed …

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My Partner Makes Me Want to Scream: A 3-Step Response to Triggering Situations

Have you ever had one of those conversations where your partner says something minor that leaves you enraged or bursting into tears? What do you do when your partner triggers intense emotions in you? The first response in most of us is to want our partner to stop it. We want our partner to change …

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How to Talk In-Person: 4 Tools for Clear, Effective Communication

by Lauren Roberts, Practicum Student-Therapist under the Supervision of Meredith Keller LPC, ACS Talking has changed drastically in recent years: for many, the majority of ‘conversations’ are held through technology. These advances, however, can also have their faults. Have you ever felt like you were speaking to someone and it was like talking to a …

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Will My Avoider or Pursuer Reaction Style Help Me Get My Needs Met?

When you’re upset, do you tend to pull yourself inside or express yourself outwardly?  Do you clam up?  This is the Avoider Style of reacting.  Do you persist in talking about the issue?  This is the Pursuer Style of reacting.  Which is your ‘go to’ reaction? And, could your reactions be making things worse? What …

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Being Thankful: How It Creates Happiness

During difficult times, it’s easy to lose sight of the positive aspects of our lives and focus solely on what’s going wrong.  This can be because what’s going wrong is right in our face, demanding our attention.  There is, however, a great deal to be gained from paying attention to what is good in our …

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Giving Thanks for Your Partner: How Appreciating the Good Can Transform You

Are you taking your partner for granted OR, even worse, focusing on what she/he isn’t doing or saying?  If you wish your partner would change, and have already asked, pleaded or begged for these changes to be made, it’s time to stop.  Not only will this fail to bring about the changes you desire, it …

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Yikes! Your Partner Is Angry With You: What Should You Do?

What do you do when your spouse is showing signs of anger? Or it may be really obvious she/he is angry.  And what if his/her upset or anger is about you?? You may have been hoping your partner wasn’t angry with you.  Most of us want to sidestep conflict.  It’s uncomfortable and we may lack …

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Defining Imago Relationship Therapy: What It Is and How It Can Help

When we received love and attention and acceptance from our spouse early in the relationship it felt wonderful, amazing, sublime!  Time passes and the relationship evolves and for many couples hurt and anger arises. In response, we unconsciously do what we used to do when we were children to get love and attention: yell, withdraw, …

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