You said, “Next year I’m going to do things differently. Next year is the year I’ll finally stop doing ____ or start doing _____”. You start out with a firm resolve to make the changes last.
But will they last? Many people begin the year strong and then eventually fall back into old patterns. It’s not easy to make permanent, lasting change. But it IS possible. How?
Contrary to what you may believe, change is not simply a matter of having strong willpower. Making improvements is not only about toughing it out. Lasting change happens when you’re in a supportive relationship. You need someone to support you, to be there when you stumble, and to help you get back on track. Permanent, lasting change happens when you are in relationship with someone:
- trustworthy and genuine
- accepting of you as you are
- who makes you feel safe when you are with them
- who is there for you even when you stumble or fail, encouraging you to get back up
- who is able to put aside their own “stuff” when they are supporting you
- who challenges you or confronts you when that’s what you need
- whose primary motive for helping you is your growth, rather than their gain
You don’t have to be in a ‘relationship’ per say. Do you know someone, including a friend or professional, who can give you this kind of support? It could be a:
- spouse
- mentor
- friend
- clergy member
- coach
- therapist
Here at Couples Therapy Center, we have therapists who can provide this kind of support for you so your resolutions last beyond January and become permanent changes.
We do this by truly listening to you and by seeking to understand you – without judgment. Together you and your therapist will learn WHY you think, feel and behave the way you do. As you talk about what you want to change and come to understand why, you will come to accept yourself. Over time, you will have created a healthy, supportive, caring relationship. Out of this relationship, you will grow and be able to make the changes in your life that you desire.
Remember: people mistakenly believe they can change if they have enough willpower. That’s not true. People change deeply and permanently when they’re in a caring relationship with a spouse, caregiver, friend, coach, or therapist. It is this relationship that sets the foundation for change.
To find a supportive relationship or learn how to transform your existing relationship into one that can help you bring about lasting change, schedule an appointment here at Couples Therapy Center. Call 908-246-3074, email GetSupport@CouplesTherapyCenterOfNJ.com or go to www.couplestherapycenterofnj.com.
