Does the love/caring seem to be missing from your relationship?
Do you suspect that you both still love each other even though you don’t show it?
Many couples still have love between them even though it may not be apparent on a daily basis. In so many relationships, the love is buried under layers and layers of unresolved issues. If you look really hard you can see it, even if the only evidence is that your partner is still with you, contributes financially or loves your kids. If deep down you still love and care about your spouse, but lately all you see are the hurts between you, we can help.
In our intimate relationship, both joy and hurt are part of the journey. Yet it is our natural reaction to pull away from the things that hurt us, whether they are physical or emotional. Although it is extremely scary to be vulnerable to these hurts, the alternative is even worse: isolation. While others can’t hurt us when we isolate ourselves, we also are not open to the love and caring that is being shown to us. This is a profound paradox. Our hearts are protected, but they are also closed to receiving love.
So, how do we open ourselves to love in a relationship that sometimes hurts? We must uncover the love that has been buried. Start by recognizing it. The love may be difficult to see, but it is likely that there are ways your spouse is expressing it in her or his own way. It may be directly or indirectly shown through:
- Saying “I love you”
- Spending time with you
- Buying gifts or small trinkets when he/she is thinking of you
- Doing a task for you such as making your coffee just the way you like it
- Going to work everyday
- Being a good parent to your children
- Making love to you
Allow yourself to notice the things he/she is doing or has done that communicate his/her love. Be mindful that his/her way of showing you love may be quite different from your way of showing love. Acknowledge the goodness that exists right here and now. It is closer than you think. By opening yourself to love, you will feel the divine joy and closeness that you deserve. And what greater pleasure is there on this journey than to love and be loved?
To learn how to open yourself to receiving love, schedule an appointment here at Couples Therapy Center. Call 908-246-3074, email mkeller@couplestherapycenterofnj.com
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