You’re Ready for Couples Counseling: Now How Do You Ask Your Spouse?

Have things been distant between you and your spouse for some time? Have you felt unhappy or stuck in the relationship? Are you finally ready to reach out to a professional rather than continue to stick your head in the sand, hoping things will magically improve? Are you ready to take that step BUT the thought of suggesting counseling to your partner fills you with dread?

We often hear from people who want to begin therapy but aren’t sure if their spouse is willing. Some don’t know how to approach their partner and as a result, stay stuck in the same unhappy or unhealthy patterns for far longer than they could have. Keep in mind, though that if you’ve been feeling distant and unhappy for some time, there’s a good chance that your partner has been feeling this distance as well. Perhaps he/she also longs for things to be different.

When approaching your partner about therapy, there are certain things you should be mindful of.

  • Be careful not to assume that he or she will say ‘no.’ In fact, your partner may be pleased to know that you are concerned and invested enough in the marriage to reach out for help. After all, the life you’ve built together is at stake.
  • Talk to your spouse about the fact that you want to improve things and you know that couples therapy is the place to start.
  • Don’t blame or criticize your partner for the issues. Make it clear that you realize you’ve BOTH unintentionally created this situation and it needs to get fixed now before it gets any worse.
  • If your spouse isn’t immediately agreeable to getting started, give him/her a little more time to get used to the idea. Sometimes a spouse needs to think about it before they’re ready to begin. In the meantime, keep communicating that you love him/her and want to make things better.

To learn more, schedule an appointment here at Couples Therapy Center. Call 908-246-3074, email or go to

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