Why Couples Can’t Remember What Started An Argument

By Meredith Keller | May 11, 2022

Often in session, we hear couples say, “We had a huge argument but can’t even remember what started it.” They’ll let us know it was a big blowout but can’t recall the beginning. As a couple’s therapist (and spouse for 25 years), I know why this is: you didn’t stick to the topic that started …

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How relationships act as mirrors

By Couples | December 25, 2021

The characteristics that we notice the most in others (both positive and negative) are often traits that we have ourselves. It’s startling to consider that a negative trait in someone (which often elicits a strong response in us) is a trait we have as well. Thus access a reflection of ourselves through a relationship with …

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The Worst Relationship Advice AND A Couples Therapist’s Responses

By Meredith Keller | November 10, 2021

Most relationship experts don’t agree with the advice below. Read on to see how we refute these very common, but unhelpful, ideas: 1. You can change your partner. 2. If things aren’t going well, continue to live together but stay as separate as you can. 3. The kids come first. 4. Don’t go to bed …

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Repetitive Arguments with our Partner: Why can’t they just GET IT?

By Rachel Tombari | August 21, 2021

Did you find yourself getting frustrated about the same things with your partner over and over? You’ve stated your requests again and again – why can’t your spouse just GET IT? Does it seem you’re both stating the very same things during each conflict? You are not alone. Many partners have core fights that they …

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You’re spending your time doing THAT?!?: How to Manage Competing Priorities After Baby Arrives

By Rachel Tombari | July 9, 2021

Following the baby’s arrival, the daily household tasks that need to get done can explode. Between cooking, dishes, diapers, bottles, ordering and/or shopping for household items, cleaning, and laundry … tasks can be endless. There are decisions and purchases that have to be made and, for many, being conscious of a budget. The stress and …

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3 Most Common Myths about Long-term Relationships and Sex

By Meredith Keller | April 19, 2021

There is plenty of misinformation about couples’ sexual relationships online.  It’s troubling because: a) searching for answers to questions online is SO easy; b) it can be difficult to know if you’ve found reliable and valid information that’s based on work done by experts; and c) you will come across worst case scenarios.  And there’s …

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3 Most Common Myths about Females and Sex

By Meredith Keller | February 19, 2021

When you think of how sex is portrayed on TV and in movies and porn, it’s pretty unrealistic.  Most of these (heterosexual) participants are thin, attractive, young and unmarried (to each other, at least).  Only recently married couples have been portrayed having sex.  This sets us up to believe we should have a certain body …

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7 Things You Can Do When your Partner Isn’t Being Supportive

By Meredith Keller | November 11, 2020

Do you have an unsupportive partner?  Has one of these scenarios happened to you?    You’re hurt by something your sister did but your partner doesn’t seem to care.    Something major just happened and your partner seems distracted and disinterested as you’re   telling them.   You’re angry about how  you were treated at the bank and your partner tells you it’s not a big deal.    You’re worried …

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Why couples counseling can make things WORSE

By Debby Deroian | October 27, 2020
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Have you tried couples counseling and it didn’t help?  Even worse, it harmed the relationship?  Since that experience with therapy, perhaps the conflict or distance remains the same; or perhaps the relationship has been deteriorating.  You may even be desperate for help.  You sometimes think about returning to counseling but haven’t because it didn’t work …

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You’re the ‘perfect’ couple, so why are you thinking about divorce?

By Debby Deroian | September 21, 2020
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Do others perceive you two as the ‘perfect’ couple yet behind closed doors it’s far from perfect? Perhaps, you have successful careers, a big, beautiful home in Basking Ridge, high achieving children but you’re not happy. Maybe there’s lots of arguing over big decisions AND petty items. Maybe you or your partner gives the silent …

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