Self Assessment

Which type best describes you in a relationship?

I tend to keep my feelings in.
I see myself as independent.
I don’t have many true needs.
I recharge my batteries by being by myself.
I usually don’t say much about my thoughts and feelings.
There are clear rules for conduct.
There are times I think and act compulsively.
I notice that sometimes I try to dominate others.
I alternate between being passive/aggressive and dominant/controlling.
I get on the defensive during a conflict.
I clam up or leave the room when I’m upset.
During an argument, I tend to say “We can’t have a productive discussion when we’re emotional.”
I tend to let my feelings show.
I can allow myself to depend on others.
I’m aware that I have many needs.
I can be compulsively open and subjective.
Sometimes I can be clingy.
I am excessively generous with my partner.
Often I ask for direction from others.
There are times I act impulsively.
I notice that sometimes I act submissively and manipulatively.
I alternate between being aggressive and passive.
I get on the offensive during a conflict.
When I’m upset, I need to talk about it right away.
During an argument, I tend to say “Let’s get this resolved NOW.”
TOTAL
TOTAL

In which column is your number higher? If your number is higher on the LEFT column, you’re a MINIMIZER. Like a turtle, you pull inside yourself when you’re upset. If your number is higher on the RIGHT column, you’re a MAXIMIZER. Like a hailstorm, you let it all out when you’re upset.

Often minimizers are married to maximizers. This exacerbates the initial issue because now you’re dealing with not just the content of the argument but the process of how you each handle yourselves.

Schedule an Appointment

Are you ready to improve, strengthen and enhance your life and relationships?

You can start here by picking an appointment.

Couples Therapy Center of NJ teaches clients tools to handle your reactions. It’s not that either way is bad or wrong unless that’s your only way of handling EVERY ISSUE. We give our clients an alternative to either of these reactions – a middle way that’s more effective and productive ESPECIALLY when tensions rise. As mature adults, we need a full range of tools at our disposal so we can apply the best one for that particular situation.

Meredith Keller's Book

Relationship Essentials

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Relationship Essentials book

Schedule an Appointment

Are you ready to improve, strengthen and enhance your life and relationships? You can start here by picking an appointment.

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