You know it’s coming soon: an important holiday and you need to buy your partner a gift. But what to buy? You have NO IDEA. You’re wondering what it is they’d like, you’re trying to guess, and as the date gets closer, the stress is setting in. You want to get him/her just the right thing, but you don’t know what that is!
You CAN light up your partner’s holiday with a gift that’s just right. It starts with an Imago teaching that says each person has his or her unique way of seeing the world. Therefore, one person cannot claim to know how the other sees the world until the other person communicates it to him/her. What does this have to do with gift giving? More than you think!
Awhile back, someone dear to me read aloud an article listing gift ideas for loved ones. I wondered, “How can we choose a gift for someone from a list written by someone else?” We often end up buying gifts that, to us, sound great. We even give gifts that we’d secretly (or not so secretly) like to receive ourselves. If you’ve been there and done that, you probably already know that this rarely makes the recipient happy.
Instead of choosing gifts this way, find out what the person you are buying for likes first. You can use the re-romanticizing exercise found in Harville Hendrix’s book, Getting The Love You Want. In this exercise, both of you make a list of gifts or behaviors you’d like to receive. Your list can also contain things your partner gave you in the past or things your partner hasn’t given you yet. Make each item as specific as possible.
Now, exchange lists. When it’s time to do something special for your partner, consult the list. Since you know your partner wants these things, it’s a super-valuable resource. It removes the stress and the unknown.
If you’d rather surprise your partner than pick from a list, you can still learn what your partner would truly like. How? Start planning early. Be a detective throughout the year rather than just the weeks leading up to a holiday. Listen closely; your partner may be saying aloud the things he/she would like. Or, you could simply ask!
So, in order to find the perfect gift you can:
- Do the re-romanticizing exercise and get a list of the exact things your partner wants.
- Listen closely to what your partner says when you’re out at a store, reading the paper, or out with friends.
- Find out if your partner keeps a file of wish list items (on paper or stored with online retailers).
- Ask your partner’s friends, or the kids, if they know what your parnter wants.
The art of gift giving is so much more rewarding when we cherish the ways our partner is different from us and bestow upon them a gift they truly want to receive.
To schedule an appointment to learn more about how to communicate to your partner about these things and more, call 908-246-3074 or email mkeller@couplestherapycenterofnj.com
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