cCouples Therapy Center of NJ

Words Are Crucial: How Speaking Your Unfiltered Thoughts Could Be Impacting Your Relationship

Words have so much power. Depending on how we use them, words have the power to inspire, to hurt, or to heal.  Think about what you say to your partner. Are you saying words that support and inspire your spouse? Are you using words that soothe and heal him/her? Or are you using words that criticize or shame your partner?

We often fail to consider the impact that our words have on others because we spend so much time talking. We think that our words don’t really matter, or won’t have much of an effect on anyone else. The rationale is, “I talk all throughout the day. Each thing I say doesn’t really have that much of an impact on others.” Put that together with the fact that most people are poor listeners and it’s easy to convince ourselves that our words won’t have a very big impact on someone else’s life. However, our words DO make a difference to others.

Think back to a specific childhood memory where you were with someone else: could be a teacher, a parent, a friend, a sibling, or a bully. Can you recall exactly what that person said to you? Likely not everything but do some words stick in your memory? Chances are, you can. Now notice the feelings you have in connection to that incident. Do you remember feeling loved, encouraged, threatened, or demeaned? Often, we can remember exactly what someone said to us years, or even decades later, when it had an emotional impact on us. The words that person chose to speak at that time served to inspire, hurt, or heal us.

The words you use now have this same power. The people in your life can feel touched by your supportive words. They can be healed by your loving words. They can feel demeaned or hurt by your critical words. That’s why it’s so important that you think about what you say to your partner. Which type of words do you use most with your spouse? It’s important for you to realize that the way you talk to your spouse IS impacting him/her - even if he/she tries not to let you see it. If you look carefully, you might notice a slight smile or see their body relax when you speak words of caring. Or you might see their brow crease or body tense when you speak words of judgment.

Here at Couples Therapy Center of New Jersey, we teach couples and individuals to be more aware of the words they use. We can show you how to choose your words with deliberation and care so that they will have a positive impact on your relationship. We want you to pick your words knowing full well that they will affect the person you love. We want to help you learn to choose the words that will bring those you love closer rather than drive them away.  This doesn't mean that we don't speak up for ourselves or don't address issues.  But we do so with deliberation and care so the other person isn't demeaned or shamed in the dicussion. The words you choose have the power to inspire, to hurt or to heal. Which ones are you choosing? Call or email us. We can set up a time to chat so that you can become more aware of how your words might be impacting the most important relationship of your life. Working with us will help you learn when to filter your thoughts and when to speak your mind so that your words will help and heal your relationship, rather than harm it.

Maintaining a happy, healthy long-term relationship can be so difficult with all the pressures and challenges in today’s fast-paced world. Maybe you’ve tried counseling before with little to no results. Maybe you ended up more frustrated or things improved a little, but only temporarily. The therapists at Couples Therapy Center of NJ can help. We’re all specialists in the area of intimate relationships. We can give you the support, new perspective, and tools you need to have more love and excitement in your relationship. Can’t get your partner to come in with you? No problem - we see individuals, too. Call us at 908-246-3074 or email now to schedule your appointment. Don’t wait any longer. Start making positive changes today.

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