Emotions

Why Couples Can’t Remember What Started An Argument

Often in session, we hear couples say, “We had a huge argument but can’t even remember what started it.” They’ll let us know it was a big blowout but can’t recall the beginning. As a couple’s therapist (and spouse for 25 years), I know why this is: you didn’t stick to the topic that started …

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How relationships act as mirrors

The characteristics that we notice the most in others (both positive and negative) are often traits that we have ourselves. It’s startling to consider that a negative trait in someone (which often elicits a strong response in us) is a trait we have as well. Thus access a reflection of ourselves through a relationship with …

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The Worst Relationship Advice AND A Couples Therapist’s Responses

Most relationship experts don’t agree with the advice below. Read on to see how we refute these very common, but unhelpful, ideas: 1. You can change your partner. 2. If things aren’t going well, continue to live together but stay as separate as you can. 3. The kids come first. 4. Don’t go to bed …

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Repetitive Arguments with our Partner: Why can’t they just GET IT?

Did you find yourself getting frustrated about the same things with your partner over and over? You’ve stated your requests again and again – why can’t your spouse just GET IT? Does it seem you’re both stating the very same things during each conflict? You are not alone. Many partners have core fights that they …

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You’re spending your time doing THAT?!?: How to Manage Competing Priorities After Baby Arrives

Following the baby’s arrival, the daily household tasks that need to get done can explode. Between cooking, dishes, diapers, bottles, ordering and/or shopping for household items, cleaning, and laundry … tasks can be endless. There are decisions and purchases that have to be made and, for many, being conscious of a budget. The stress and …

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3 Most Common Myths about Long-term Relationships and Sex

There is plenty of misinformation about couples’ sexual relationships online.  It’s troubling because: a) searching for answers to questions online is SO easy; b) it can be difficult to know if you’ve found reliable and valid information that’s based on work done by experts; and c) you will come across worst case scenarios.  And there’s …

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7 Things You Can Do When your Partner Isn’t Being Supportive

Do you have an unsupportive partner?  Has one of these scenarios happened to you?    You’re hurt by something your sister did but your partner doesn’t seem to care.    Something major just happened and your partner seems distracted and disinterested as you’re   telling them.   You’re angry about how  you were treated at the bank and your partner tells you it’s not a big deal.    You’re worried …

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Why couples counseling can make things WORSE

Have you tried couples counseling and it didn’t help?  Even worse, it harmed the relationship?  Since that experience with therapy, perhaps the conflict or distance remains the same; or perhaps the relationship has been deteriorating.  You may even be desperate for help.  You sometimes think about returning to counseling but haven’t because it didn’t work …

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Solving the Most Common Relationship Issues: My Partner Doesn’t Emotionally Support Me

Does this situation sound familiar to you? You have a terrible day at work, which includes making a mistake your boss noticed and having a disagreement with a co-worker. You come home feeling exhausted, frustrated, and concerned about your job security. You can’t wait to talk to your partner about your bad day so they …

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