Do others perceive you two as the ‘perfect’ couple yet behind closed doors it’s far from perfect? Perhaps, you have successful careers, a big, beautiful home in Basking Ridge, high achieving children but you’re not happy. Maybe there’s lots of arguing over big decisions AND petty items. Maybe you or your partner gives the silent treatment when upset. Or you oscillate between arguing and distance. Maybe one of you has thought about (or is having) an affair. Perhaps you’ve talked about (or fantasized about) divorce.
For many couples like this, there’s a dilemma: there’s nothing egregious going on, but this is not a fulfilling and joyful relationship.
Do any of these scenarios sound familiar?
- You see memes online that say things like “Life is short. Only surround yourself with people who uplift you” and that makes you think about divorce.
- You see your partner as unsupportive of or not understanding what’s important to you.
- Your partner may be a good provider or a good parent but he/she has a lot to improve on the spouse side of things.
Or even worse …
- Occasional or frequent substance overuse,
- You suspect an affair or inappropriate relationship,
- You or your partner has consulted a divorce attorney
- There’s verbal abuse.
It’s a tough spot to be in, certainly, because leaving will have profound effects on your and your children’s lives. There is so much is at stake. It’s a gargantuan task to split up: selling you home(s) & splitting assets, giving up friends and extended family you might love, telling the kids and helping them through it…the list goes on. Then there’s life after divorce to consider: finding a new place, the kids shuttling between houses, possibly a lifestyle on a lower budget, missing the kids and all the other feelings you’ll be faced with. You know divorce is not a decision to make without careful consideration.
How We Work
We help couples just like you. These are all circumstances our clients at Couples Therapy Center of NJ have faced and resolved.
Option 1: You may come in as a couple to see if the relationship can be repaired. You’re wondering if this relationship is salvageable. We help couples to explore the issues to gain insight and understanding for one another. Then, we help couples to express love and appreciation because it’s likely still there underneath all the conflict. As a result of working with one of our therapists, the couple learns to ask for their needs in a healthy way. They learn to develop a full life so as not to be solely dependent on their partner for all these needs. They see the bigger picture and want to work together because its in the best interest of their children (and themselves). They come to enjoy each other’s company once again and make their intimate life more connecting and fun. The best part is their children are now being raised in a happier and more loving household.
Or Option 2: you come in on your own because your spouse is unwilling or not interested in therapy. That’s fine because good work can still take place on the relationship even if your partner isn’t present. In fact, half of our clients come in individually and we’ve never met their spouse. The reason this works is: you’ll be learning and healing and growing then showing up in your relationship as a healthier spouse. You’ll be better able to handle challenges, have more insight, and stronger communication skills. You’ll be becoming the best partner you can be and we’ve seen this have a positive effect on the spouse. That’s a much healthier and more mature role to take then focusing on trying to change your spouse AND a much healthier model for your children.
Reach out to us. You’ve waited long enough. Call us at 908-246-3074 or email mkeller@couplestherapycenterofnj.com to schedule your first appointment.
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