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The Professional Couple

March 28, 2019 by admin in Marriage, Relationships, Therapist | Comments Off on The Professional Couple

Have you ever wondered: Will therapy work for me?  Can our issues be helped with counseling?  We’re going to focus on two types of clients who get A LOT out of working with us: the professional couple and the professional ‘single’.

Do you see yourself in the professional couple?

-One or both of you have a strong career(s)

-Your children are high achievers

-Your active with friends, neighbors or at their club

-You have a beautiful home

-Things look ‘perfect’ from the outside, but behind closed doors there is tension or distance

Perhaps others see you as “having it all”, with work success, a lot of friends, nice vacations and wonderful children.  But behind closed doors tend to be a different story.  As a couple, you are distant from one another, constantly arguing or alternating between the two.  Maybe you’ve thought about divorce or developed a “too close” relationship with another person. Perhaps one or both of you lay awake with anxiety.  You wonder why, if you have ‘everything’, are you still unhappy?

Very often, you may begin to realize that while you’ve  have been putting a lot of time and effort into other things- careers,  families or even your social lives-you have stopped making your relationship a priority. The distance that’s evolved between you and your partner wasn’t intentional.  You did love one another very much at one time and maybe one or both can still feel that love between you from time to time.

In working with us, you will learn to resolve differences in a healthy way, to renew love and intimacy, and to enjoy each other’s company once again. The result is a relationship with more connection, more and better sex, and a deeper, stronger friendship. Equally important, if you have children, they are now growing up in a happier, healthier home.

If you can relate to some of the struggles of these types of clients, or are interested in achieving some of these results, email us at getsupport@couplestherapycenterofnj.com , or call us at (908) 246-3074 to schedule an appointment.  Don’t fit these descriptions exactly, that’s fine.  We do a phone chat prior to scheduling to determine how we can be of service.

 

Getting What You Want: How Asking the Right Way Can Help You Get It

December 4, 2012 by admin in Emotions, Relationships | Leave a comment

Most people are good at complaining and making negative comments about the things they aren’t happy with. It’s so easy to nag, pressure, nitpick and criticize. The critical comments roll off our tongues so easily; we often make them without giving them a second thought. Think about it – how many times have you voiced a complaint out of frustration? How often have you grumbled a comment at your spouse or partner like, “You’re never home?” When you stop and think about it, will that comment make your spouse want to be home more often? Most likely it will not. Asking for what you want in a different way can have dramatically different results – and just might get you the things you are hoping for.

Perhaps we don’t realize that our critical comments won’t get us what we really want. In fact, negative comments, complaints and criticisms are likely to cause arguments and drive our partners further away. How can we change the way we handle these situations so that we get the results we want?

Learn to ask for things effectively. There are three simple steps.

  1. Identify exactly, specifically what you want. (For example, instead of focusing on the fact that your spouse is never home, think of a time you’d like him or her to be home – perhaps for dinner together on Wednesday nights.)
  2. Keep the request brief.
  3. Put it into words so that your spouse is much more likely to oblige. Asking kindly is far more likely to be successful than making an insistent demand would be.

You’ll find that asking for what you want in this simple and direct manner will have wonderful results. Your comments will no longer become a point of contention or cause an argument. Instead, you’ll find that when you stop criticizing and complaining and ask specifically for what you want that you will be far more likely to get it.

Many clients I’ve worked with in the past have found this to be very powerful in areas of their lives where they used to feel powerless. Now they know what they want and can verbalize it. I’ve had clients tell me they’re amazed that now that they ask for things differently from their spouses, their spouses give them much more of what they want. In fact, one of my clients wrote in a testimonial on my website: “I can’t believe it was this easy all along, I just had to ask differently!”

Of course using these three simple steps to ask for what you want is not a magic spell. There will still be times when your spouse says, “no.” Even so, your relationship will benefit. Instead of becoming an argument or cold war, you can both move on. In cases where your spouse won’t or can’t do or give the things you are asking of him/her find a healthy way to get that need met elsewhere.

To learn more or to schedule an appointment here at Couples Therapy Center, call 908-246-3074, email getsupport@couplestherapycenterofnj.com or go to www.couplestherapycenterofnj.com and use our online scheduler to find an appointment right now.