Archives for person

Open to Love: Freeing Yourself From Being Protected, yet Isolated

Let me tell you a story I heard from a gifted Imago therapist and trainer named Maya Kollman.  The story is about a woman who loves walking on the beach.  The woman’s bare feet sink into the warm sand with each step. Without shoes, she feels free and natural.  The woman walks like this every day, until she steps on a sharp shell and cuts her foot.  The woman is surprised.  Her foot is bleeding and it hurts.  The next time she walks on the beach, she wears flip-flops to protect her feet from shells.  After several days, the side of her foot brushes against a beached jellyfish.  The woman’s foot stings and itches.  So, the next time she walks on the beach the woman wears sneakers.  This works for several days, until the woman stubs her toe on the rocks of the jetty.  Frustrated, the woman decides to wear boots for her walks on the sand.  She has been hurt so many times and she has finally found a way to keep her feet safe.  However, the woman has become so concerned with protecting her feet that she has lost the wonderful experience of feeling the sand beneath her feet and between her toes.  She misses feeling the texture, coarse and dry or silky and cool, and she misses feeling the connection to nature. Read More

Light up Your Partner’s Holiday With A Gift That’s Just Right

You know it’s coming soon: an important holiday and you need to buy your partner a gift.  But what to buy? You have NO IDEA.  You’re wondering what it is they’d like, you’re trying to guess, and as the date gets closer, the stress is setting in.  You want to get him/her just the right thing, but you don’t know what that is!

You CAN light up your partner’s holiday with a gift that’s just right.  It starts with an Imago teaching that says each person has his or her unique way of seeing the world.  Therefore, one person cannot claim to know how the other sees the world until the other person communicates it to him/her.  What does this have to do with gift giving?  More than you think! Read More

The Art of Gift Giving: The Platinum Rule

Remember hearing the Golden Rule when you were a child?  It simply means treat others as you would like to be treated.  It is a great standard.  Well, it’s since been upgraded to the Platinum Rule.  The Platinum Rule means treat others as they would like to be treated.  Wow, what a difference!  The best way we can treat another is the way they would like!  This tenent fits so beautifully with Imago Relationship Therapy.  Imago teaches that each person has his or her unique way of seeing the world.  One person cannot claim to know what is true for another person until the other person communicates it to us.

What does this have to do with gift giving?  A few weeks ago, someone dear to me read aloud an article listing gift ideas for your Valentine.  What struck me was: how could we choose a gift for someone from a list written by someone else?  Reminds me of the Golden Rule: buying gifts that, to us, sound like a great idea.  Read More

Hurt by Hearsay? How Therapy Rebuilds Your Sense of Safety

Gossip – sometimes it seems we’re surrounded by it.  We hear it all the time.  It glares at us from nearly every grocery store headline.  Have you seen so-and-so’s new haircut?  What was he/she thinking?  And what about those two?  Can you believe they did that?!

On the surface, gossiping can seem like harmless, idle chatter.  It goes on all the time – and not just on the newsstands.  I’m sure we’ve all been in a situation where the conversation turned to pointing out the flaws or misfortunes of others behind their backs.  But think twice before you chime in – gossiping about someone else can hurt YOU, in ways you may not even suspect.  Believe it or not, gossiping about others leads to unease, insecurity, and even to deciding not to trust anyone ever again. Read More

Stopping Triangulation: How to Avoid the Pitfalls of Involving a Third Person in Your Problems

Most of my clients have some kind of challenge in their relationships with others. The struggle may be with a spouse, a friend, a family member, a co-worker, a child, a neighbor, or a landlord. No matter who the struggle is with, we often discuss what someone else said or did and how my client felt hurt or angry about it during our sessions. When we dig deeper, many times I find that a big part of the problem is triangulation. Triangulation is when a third person gets involved in a conflict. It might feel good temporarily, but it will hurt you in the long run.

Think of an imaginary triangle of three people. An issue may come up between two of them: maybe something one person said or did that upset the other. Triangulation occurs when one of the two individuals involved in the issue ‘invites’ a third person into the debate or argument. By ‘invite’ I mean talks to the third person about the individual they have the issue with or talks about the issue itself. The original issue has little or nothing to do with the third person! The problem here is when we use this as a way to vent our feelings. Read More

The Transformational Power of Love?

Power of LoveThis time of year, we are hearing so much about New Year’s Resolutions.  The idea of starting new habits in January is all over magazines and TV.  Naturally, we think about doing things differently going forward.  We can have the best intentions, yet, ever wonder why people resolve to make a change and the change only lasts a short time?  Has this happened to you and then did you criticize yourself for not having stronger willpower?  If so, you may be surprised to learn that change is not about willpower and toughing it out.  Lasting change happens when we’re in a loving relationship. This is the transformational power of love. Read More