The Transformational Power of Love?

January 9, 2011 by admin in Emotions | Leave a comment

This time of year, we are hearing so much about New Year’s Resolutions. The idea of starting new habits in January is all over magazines and TV. Naturally, we think about doing things differently going forward. We can have the best intentions, yet, ever wonder why people resolve to make a change and the change only lasts a short time? Has this happened to you and then did you criticize yourself for not having stronger willpower? If so, you may be surprised to learn that change is not about willpower and toughing it out. Lasting change happens when we’re in a loving relationship. This is the transformational power of love. Read More

What’s Your Limit? Find Out How Much Love, Success and Happiness You Can Handle and What’s Stopping You From Having MORE

December 10, 2010 by admin in Emotions | Leave a comment

I just read a FABULOUS book that I’m eager to share with you. The title is The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks and it’s chock full of new learnings that can have a profound influence on you. It certainly did for me. According to the book, there is only one thing that is holding you back from receiving more love, success, and money in your life. What do you think that one thing is? It’s the limit you’ve unconsciously created for yourself.

When asked that question, some people will think the thing holding them back is an external situation such as a dead end job or a limited amount of resources. For others, it’s blaming someone else’s faults for their own limitations, like a difficult boss or a shortcoming of your spouse’s. While these may seem like the things that are responsible for holding you back, according to Gay, they are not. What is actually holding you back is not something outside of yourself. It is not caused by your environment and it is not about those you associate with. In fact, and we know this as therapists, what holds each person back is his or her own beliefs – both conscious and unconscious. Read More

Focus on Family: Allowing Children What They Need

November 11, 2010 by admin in Family | Leave a comment

What do our kids really need to grow up to be healthy and successful? There is a lot of pressure for kids to excel in school and at test taking, to join numerous extra-curricular activities, and from themes in the media to be advanced, and even sexy. In the past, I’ve touched on some of the things children need, including love, attention, affection, to be heard, and to be disciplined with respect. My focus now is on noticing what your kids are telling you they need. Read More

Giving Thanks, Gaining Happiness

November 10, 2010 by admin in Giving Thanks | Leave a comment

Is everything going wrong? Are you feeling frustrated, stuck, unhappy, or overwhelmed? It’s easy to get bogged down and feeling bad when it seems like nothing is going your way. During these difficult times, we often lose sight of what’s good in our lives and focus solely on what’s wrong. It’s easy to lose perspective when the things that aren’t going well are right in our face, demanding our attention. We forget about all the things that are good, allowing them to fade into the background and take a backseat to our powerful negative feelings. There is, however, a great deal to be gained from paying attention to what is good in our lives, especially during more difficult times. Read More

What Does It Mean To Love Your Spouse?

October 10, 2010 by admin in Emotions | Leave a comment

In my therapy practice, I often hear married couples say, “We’ve fallen out of love” or “I’m not sure I love her/him anymore.” These statements are made with great sadness and a clear sense of hopelessness. The couples, who feel that the romantic love is gone from their relationships, begin to doubt the value of their marriages and question their choice of partners. This sense of doubt is strengthened by the messages society sends about our partner being our soul mate, “other half” or someone who completes us. Read More

Focus on Family: New Habit For The New School Year

September 11, 2010 by admin in Family | Leave a comment

Each new school year brings with it a fresh start for you and your family. I would like you to consider a habit that will have a positive effect on your child’s success; eat dinner as a family most nights of the week. This simple act of sharing a meal brings countless rewards for children. It builds relationships within your family and builds your child’s self-esteem. These two ingredients make for a child who is successful academically, socially, and physically. Read More

Relationships Are SO DIFFICULT At Times: Does It Mean We Chose The Wrong Partner OR Can We Somehow Learn From All This?

September 10, 2010 by admin in Relationships | Leave a comment

At times, your marriage brings joy and fulfillment. At other times, it can be full of frustration, conflict or boredom. During these difficult times, you may wonder, “Is this all there is?” or “Why is this so hard?” These thoughts or feelings can be especially discouraging when you compare this to a time earlier in your relationship when things felt wonderful. Rest assured – there is more to marriage. In fact, through these conflicts and difficult times you can grow to experience a hidden reward of marriage: it can help you grow into your whole self. That’s right; one reward of your unique partnership is that it can actually help you grow as an individual. Read More

What Was THAT All About?! Why Your Partner is Freaking Out Over Nothing and What You Can Do About It

August 10, 2010 by admin in Emotions | Leave a comment

Have you ever seen someone have a very strong reaction to something that seems minor? From your perspective, you’re wondering what the big deal is. Why are they getting so upset?
Of course, this happens all the time in marriage and other intimate relationships. We see our spouse “freak out” over something small. Often, we don’t even know what triggered their anger or upset. When one partner witnesses the other get upset about something that seems trivial, it can be very confusing. Many times, people in my office will tell me that their partner got very upset – and they had no idea why. Read More

Focus On Family: Showing Love By Listening

July 9, 2010 by admin in Family | Leave a comment

Listening shows children we love them. As parents, we listen to our kids by paying attention to the words they are saying and by repeating back to them what we’ve heard them say . In Imago Therapy, this is called “mirroring”. Parents do this by saying, “What I heard you say was…” Parents can also help by remarking on what the child has said that makes sense to them. Listening, repeating, and understanding helps kids feel valued by their parents. There are times this is all that’s needed to help your child cope with something challenging. Read More

Defining Imago: What It Is and How It Can Improve Your Relationship

July 7, 2010 by admin in Relationships | Leave a comment

Welcome to the Power Struggle. This is a normal stage of marriage, but it certainly doesn’t feel normal. In fact, it feels awful.

All of us want love and attention. When we received these things from our spouse early in the relationship it felt wonderful. Now we find ourselves feeling hurt and angry. In response, we do what we used to do as children to get love and attention: yell, scream, withdraw, and pout. The power struggle is a cry for connection. It occurs, in part, because we are doing what we know how to do in order to get love and attention. Ironically, doing these things gets us the opposite of what we want. Although we long for connection, we are unconsciously sabotaging ourselves from getting it.

As adults, we need to find new ways to get the love, attention, and connection we desire. Imago Relationship Therapy helps us accomplish this by teaching couples to use language as a tool of connection and by helping couples reconnect in fun and meaningful ways. Read More

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