Archives for feeling

Vulnerable Language: An Important Way to Connect With Loved Ones

October 23, 2011 by admin in Relationships | Leave a comment

It is so easy to be careless with our words, even though words have tremendous power to either connect us or distance us from others.  Choosing words more carefully can improve communication and result in a closer connection with those we love.  A more careful way of communicating is by using Vulnerable Language.  Using Vulnerable Language means using words that show our true thoughts and feelings to the listener.

We are vulnerable when we use feeling words such as, “I felt (happy, hurt, scared) when …” Speaking these words allows the listener to see into our internal world.  Sharing our feelings with those who respect us can increase closeness and encourage true understanding.  However, not every feeling word is vulnerable.  Some feeling words, like anger and frustration, are not vulnerable because they keep us distant from the listener. Read More

Hurt by Hearsay? How Therapy Rebuilds Your Sense of Safety

August 9, 2011 by admin in Therapist | Leave a comment

Gossip – sometimes it seems we’re surrounded by it.  We hear it all the time.  It glares at us from nearly every grocery store headline.  Have you seen so-and-so’s new haircut?  What was he/she thinking?  And what about those two?  Can you believe they did that?!

On the surface, gossiping can seem like harmless, idle chatter.  It goes on all the time – and not just on the newsstands.  I’m sure we’ve all been in a situation where the conversation turned to pointing out the flaws or misfortunes of others behind their backs.  But think twice before you chime in – gossiping about someone else can hurt YOU, in ways you may not even suspect.  Believe it or not, gossiping about others leads to unease, insecurity, and even to deciding not to trust anyone ever again. Read More

Get A Grip: How to Keep Emotional Reactions from Hurting Your Marriage

May 11, 2011 by admin in Emotions | Leave a comment

Your emotions have a huge impact on your marriage.  Whether your reaction to these emotions is to show them on the outside OR to keep outside of your awareness, your reaction might be driving your partner away.  After many times of reacting similarly, a pattern sets in.  This pattern may be a big contributor to the difficulties in your marriage.

People react differently when they have an emotion inside. S ome people are overreactors and some are underreactors.  An overreactor is very obvious.  When they’re emotionally triggered by something, they can react with their body.  They might clench their fists or jaw, stomp around, point, or stand up to appear bigger.  You can see their emotions in their face: anger, sadness and crying, or disappointment.  They can also react with their voice by yelling, raging, cursing, using sarcasm, bemoaning, complaining, or non-stop talking. Read More

Containing Our Emotions: When It’s Helpful To Hold Back

April 9, 2011 by admin in Emotions | Leave a comment

I usually write about allowing our feelings to be felt, to be talked about, and to be shown. Today, I’ve been thinking about the opposite: containing them – and how to know when to do what!

Containing our emotions means to hold back how we’re feeling from someone else.  It’s what we do when we know something’s going on inside of us because we have a strong emotion(s) about something, but we choose not to let it show on the outside.  We deliberately decide not to say anything.  We choose to stay quiet.  We limit what our face expresses by refraining from rolling our eyes or frowning.  We still our body and do not shrug our shoulders, cross our arms, or tap our feet. Read More

Giving Thanks, Gaining Happiness

November 10, 2010 by admin in Giving Thanks | Leave a comment

Grateful children giving their father a kiss

Is everything going wrong?  Are you feeling frustrated, stuck, unhappy, or overwhelmed?  It’s easy to get bogged down and feeling bad when it seems like nothing is going your way.  During these difficult times, we often lose sight of what’s good in our lives and focus solely on what’s wrong.  It’s easy to lose perspective when the things that aren’t going well are right in our face, demanding our attention.  We forget about all the things that are good, allowing them to fade into the background and take a backseat to our powerful negative feelings.  There is, however, a great deal to be gained from paying attention to what is good in our lives, especially during more difficult times. Read More

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