Remember the intensity of sex at the beginning of your relationship? Sex was fun, passionate and, likely, more frequent than it is now. The fact that this romantic stage of relationship fades is a normal, and certainly disappointing, course of a committed relationship. Once the intensity wears off or the frequency dies down, you may view sex any number of ways: as something you miss, something you no longer have the time or desire for, or something you’re relieved not to have to do.
Or you may be in a partnership that continues to value sex. These couples make the time to be sexual, they talk to their partners about sex, they view expressing their love physically as exquisite. These couples know an important secret: that sex is a gift. It is healthy and natural and a vital part of the human experience. It is a unique way to express your love, unlike in any other relationship you’ve been in. In a committed relationship, it is a means of experiencing the closest emotional intimacy of our adult lives. There can be safety, love, and acceptance in this connection. The fun you share in sex (playing, learning about one another, sometimes making mistakes and laughing at ourselves) is bonding you together as well. Beyond expressing love for one another and having fun together, sex has a powerful positive impact on each partner.
Most men want to feel competent and capable. One way they feel this is in their ability to please their wives sexually. This is a powerful force for a husband and when he feels competent in his marriage, he tends to feel the same in other roles in his life. Also, for many married men, sex is much more than physically feeling good. It is emotional and spiritual. It is a way for a man to express his love for his wife. This connects to what his wife is longing for. Most wives want to feel desired, cherished, and connected. When she is an interested and enthusiastic partner, her husband will desire and cherish her and do just about anything for her. And she will feel a profound connection to her husband. A sexually fulfilled woman will have less stress and more joy in her life. And these feelings will overflow into all areas of her life.
(Sometimes sex brings up painful memories or feelings. These concerns must be addressed in order to have a fulfilling sexual relationship. Healing this part of yourself is possible. I encourage you to begin work with a therapist you feel safe with.)
Sex is vitally important to a healthy marriage. This type of sexual connection takes some work, some talking, and lots of learning and fun. It is one of the best investments you can make and the rewards are astounding.
To schedule an appointment to learn more about how feeling gratitude for your partner can greatly improve your relationship, call 908-246-3074 or email mkeller@couplestherapycenterofnj.com
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